Let Children Be… Childish!

It’s not so uncommon to hear parents, educators or people in general complaining about how hard it is to discipline children.

And, what is worse, we hear them praising the tough, authoritarian “old style” methods of education. Oh those were really effective!

After all, children seem so impossible to deal with: they never stop, they seem to be continuously  jumping, running, whining, screaming, always trying to do what they want, being reckless, being noisy and asking for attention.

OK, so what? AND are we really sure we should  ALWAYS correct them? Is this the real discipline?

Children MUST be childish and denying them the right to be so is simply unnatural and cruel.

Don’t misunderstand me. I’m NOT saying that children don’t need discipline and rules. But repressing them or being tough is NOT discipline. It’s just useless, cruel and can damage their personality.

Disciplin comes from Latin “teaching”, not scaring, yelling, punishing…

Discipline must be gentle. We ALWAYS have to respect them as little individuals if we want them to develop into happy, balanced and good adults. Humiliating them, hurting them, punishing them physically or psychologically is NOT educating.

Young children obeying out of fear are not happy children. They will not understand why they don’t have to do something or why it is good to behave in a certain way.

What is worse, they risk to grow up not feeling valued and loved for whom they are.

Many of us know how badly and deeply childhood issues can affect our life as adults.

FURTHERMORE,  there are some behaviours that are not only natural but even necessary to children’s development. Children DO need our attention which is not parking them in fron of the TV box of filling them with amazing special effect toys…

They DO need to experiment and challenge.

They DO deserve to be explained why they should/shouldn’t do or say this or that, instead of being screamed at, humiliated or slapped. Babies and toddlers DO NOT need to be let cry out to learn to sleep.

Little ones DO need to move a lot and to have the time to PLAY, to have fun… and even to do nothing if they want.

They DO have the right to disagree and to cry. 

In our politically correct society, we are always talking about human rights, respect for people, help, compassion, even for those who make mistakes… very few people would disagree that these are fundamental values.   Maybe we even exaggerate sometimes trying to be “uderstanding” with adults…

SO… Why do some of us justify mistreating children,  with the excuse of “educating” them?

We have no excuses: most of the”experts” in the field  have been doing their best to spread the idea that children must be respected for real.

Once again, don’t get me wrong. I’m not criticising well-meaning parents and educators.

And I’m not even saying that it’s always easy. Sometimes my high-need 2-year-old really seems to do everything to be spanked.

I sometimes DO feel like screaming  angry, and it did happen  few (luckily very few) times…

But then we both felt so bad.. And I especially felt so guilty, even if I hadn’t even screamed that loud, that I decided not to do that anymore.

Actually most of times I find it so funny that he’s so small, and though so sassy and bold, that I have to do my best not to burst into laughter.

There are wonderful books about Attachment Parenting or other educational approaches designed to educate and assist children’s development in a positive way.

I would be really glad to advise about it if you want.

You will realize how NICER and actually EASIER it is to practice this kind of approach instead of the “tough way”. Even if at the beginning you get very confused, wondering if you are doing the right thing, just keep working on it and the rewards will be amazing.

Your child will be happier, collaborative and your relationship with him/her will improve dramatically.

NEVER GIVE UP. I assure it is really worth it.

My son is NO WAY one of those calm, very easy children… But’s that’s exactly the way I love him. I love his personality and dealing with him is teaching me so much. 

Any help or advice you would like from me, or simply any question you have, just let me know on this blog or via email and I’ll do my best to support you.

Read Full Post »

Never STARVE Your Brain!

You certainly know that we must keep our brain efficient. Not only that will help prevent terrible diseases such as Alzheimer’s and any kind of degeneration, it will also keep us younger, as body and mind are strictly connected.

Doing that is not difficult nor expensive.

Eat healthy. Your brain, like any other part of your body, needs to be nourished properly: have fruit, vegetables good quality proteins and carbs, restrict sugar and avoid processed food packed with any kind of harmful additives.

Drink lots of clean water. It is essential for the electrochemical reactions that constitute brain activity. Rest. Take time to relax, to empty your brain from ANY thought, especially, of course, stressing or negative ones.

 Move! Exercise is fundamental both for body and mind. Physical exercise, especially aerobic, amazingly benefits the brain as well.

AND, in addition to that, the brain needs its own type of exercise: use your memory…  play with your children (yes, that’s MAGICAL, not only for your little ones)… watch less TV and read good stuff…  keep yourself up-to-date in your field…  engage in an interesting debate (but don’t let it digress into an argument)…

And don’t forget another fundamental nutrient: LEARNING SOMETHING NEW.

Our brain NEEDS new challenges, it needs to create new paths, it needs to invent, to find new ways, to be puzzled and surprised. You should always find something interesting to be passionate about.

It can be something anything you like and want to learn, even simply to have fun: a new type of dance… or sport… or martial art… medieval history as well as a new language or software or ANY topic you would like to know more about.

If what you are learning sounds too hard at the beginning, never mind! Actually that’s perfectly fine. Your brain will be extremely glad to have some good challenging work  to do.

Read Full Post »

GO for It BUT…don’t Forget Yourself!

Recently, a dear friend of mine  had some health challenges.

Nothing terrible, luckily, but definitely quite annoying.

She’s a wonderful, dynamic, brilliant gal, and she’s a business consultant and coach,  with huge success. She’s one of the best when it comes to providing support and tips about how to achieve your greatest goals without burning yourself out and while keeping balance between life and work. 

You would bet she couldn’t have such issues… YET, the problems she had were related JUST to the fact that… she neglected herself.

The fact is that often, even we perfectly know what we should do, even if we know  we shouldn’t OVER-do, even if we  are aware we owe respect to our body, mind and soul… we do the same mistake Christina did.

When I said – teasing her –  “Chris, maybe you should coach yourself a little bit!…” She laughed and admitted she had abandoned just the person she should take care of first,  pressed by deadlines, by the same enthusiasm that makes her a  wonderful coach,  and by the willingness to succeed in her job and make her clients happy.

Don’t do the same. Especially if you tend to be a brilliant overachiever, especially if your job and everyday life are very demanding, MAKE SOME TIME FOR YOUR SELF AND YOUR BELOVED.

It’s much less obvious than you may think. It’s probably easy for many of us to agree while reading these words, but when it comes to really finding some time each day to read your favorite book, or play (for real!!!) with your kids and cuddle them, have a special bath, have a romantic walk  with your mate… Well, when it comes to really doing  that… you don’t have the time to!

If you really don’t have any time for this, maybe you should review your priorities…

BUT the truth is: often these are all useless excuses. Actually you are afraid that, if you REGULARLY did something just for the pleasure of doing it, you would feel guilty, as if you were stealing time from something more important.

WRONG! A job or any daily task CAN NEVER be more important than some time to keep happy yourself and those you care about.

Or you are so little used to taking care of you and yourspecial ones, that when you have some time you spend it watching rubbish on a TV screen, maybe even eating junk food. 

OR EVEN WORSE, you are so much into your superbusy routine, your deadlines, your dates… that you, like Christina,  simply FORGET  what is most important: your happiness and the happiness of whom you love.

REMEMBER: you will NOT achieve more neglecting yourself and your family or friends. You will ONLY risk a burnout, a nervous breakdown,  or worse.

 Christina had to stop working for a couple of months and, since she  runs her own business, that was not easy at all to handle.

Don’t neglect your important ones… make them FEEL they really are importntant.

And always include YOURSELF in you “important ones” list.

Decide you will reward yourself with little TREATS for your small achievements… bigger TREATS for bigger achievemements…

You really OWE this all to YOU.

Read Full Post »

Practical Positive Thinking for Beginners?

Hi All!

I hope you are doing great today.

I have been studying self help, positive thinking and energy healing for years, thanks to the teachings of some of the best guru’s around, and if you would like to, I’ll be glad to tell you which ones I prefer above all and why.

 It is working more and more for myself, and I’m thrilled (and almost surprised :))  to say that I’ve been able to help many people improve their mindset, and thus their life, thanks to this.

I’m still happily working on it each day… tweaking, improving, clearing, enlightening what I already know and practice.  You are never finished with this (and for your records, not even gurus are).

There are still moments in which I just want to mumble and complain. But each day I feel so grateful I started studying and  applying that in my life. And each day it’s a litte bit easier to send black clouds away and to attract GOOD…

THOUGH… at first it seems SOOO TOUGH, doesn’t it?

It seems it won’t work for you.  It is working for everyone but you.  You are doing your homework, studying what those wonderful masters are teaching, doing your best to clear all those bad thoughts…

YET! The more you try,  the more you create resistance, and all the nice things you want to attract seem to get more and more distant!

And you wonder: “Why do I get stuck???” “Why do I get back to zero???” and above all “How can I actually change my thoughts and possibly my mindset for good???”.

It is not exactly like reprogramming a washing machine, is it? – press a couple of buttons and it’s done,  3 for my most precious clothes…  NO WAY.

No worries, you are in good company.  And there is even some GOOD NEWS! There is very probably a way out!

One thing I can say for sure is… when you start practicing positive thinking (successful thinking, law of attraction, clearing… whichever approach,  philosophy, master or healer is your favorite) very often you definitely have to  make it EASY and “PRACTICAL”.

It actually varies a lot form person to person.

There are people who need to touch and see what they are talking about more than others. We are all different and that’s what makes the world a nice place (believe it or not!) 

BUT TRUST ME: starting with the HANDS-ON APPROACH,  works just great for MANY, MANY people.

What does it mean?

FOR INSTANCE, simply, translating all the beautiful, empowering, life-chaning concepts you learned into PRACTICAL BEHAVIORS.

Begin with little things.

Don’t feel you have to change your pessimistic attitude and become somebody new all at once and all together. It will just make you feel overwhelmed!

Don’t feel you have to attract 100 thousands dollars and not even a brand new luxury car in few days. If you keep yourself on the right track, YOU WILL GET TO THE POINT where everything flows wonderfully and easily,  but YOU  DON’T NEED  TO DO IT RIGHT NOW! And not even next week!

Just focus on feeling good in your everyday life. Concentrate at first on little concrete things.

For instance, every day make a little time and do something that makes you feel good and gives you really pleasant sensations.

You don’t necessarily need to invent something  amazing or expensive, just do what YOU like. Even reading a book you love, having a walk in  a beautiful  park with someone you like, going to the movies with your partner and watch a chick flick… are all things that can make you feel fine and relaxed.

Too many people neglect themselves and those who are really important to them.

The point here is: TREAT YOURSELF BETTER, and do it more often.  Create many nice moments to recall to your mind. To retain and recall them more easily later on, create anchors while you are living them: focus on sensations, images, feelings, even smells and colors…

They will be precious to recall and focus on, when you are feeling bad.

It may look like  a sort of Basic Positive Thinking For Beginners and well, in some way it is. But rest assured it can make it much much easier to get to the “higher level”.

Sooner than you may think, you are very likely to realize that much bigger changes have happened in your life and to wonder how they could come off so fast.

Read Full Post »

Hello World!

HELLO WORLD!

How are you’s??

This is my brand-new blog and here I will share with you my thoughts and tips about what  improved my life and that of those I care about.

I hope you will enjoy that.

Talk to you soon!

All the Best,

Alessandra

Read Full Post »